Hmmm.
I kind of totally forgot about this account. Like, I remember I had one, but I couldn't even remember my user name.
I did a bunch of writing last night. I forgot how fun it could be. My mind was going a million miles an hour. I think there were even endorphins.
Blink just made a moo noise at me. Such a silly cat.
I wish this thing had icons. *pokes it*
I know I know I know I know.
But it never changes, does it?
I'm going to start stacking rocks again.
It's always interesting to know what people really think about you. Also, disheartening. I'd like to be the kind of person who can learn from that. Or even the kind of person who can just brush it off. I can try. I don't know what I expect. I know I'm a good person. I try to be honest and fair about things. I try to be accepting. But I'm only human and don't always act in the most rational way. And neither do these people. But still. How do you go about changing their minds? Especially when something is brought up from two years ago? Something I truly do not remember. It's upsetting. Part of me wants to just close myself up, stop showing or telling these people those parts of myself that they don't approve of. But I hate that idea. I thought these were people I could show the ugly sides of myself to. Because they know the real me and that those ugly bits are such a small fraction of who I am. I know their ugly bits too. So, the question is, do I judge them because of things they have said and done in the past, like they have done with me? Maybe. I don't know. I have some thinking to do.
I put on some music earlier while I was making dinner and ended up singing through at least one cd's worth of songs. Loud.
It helped.
Of course now I'm all hoarse. But I feel marginally better.
Excessively fragile today. I don't really understand what the cause of all of this is. It isn't depression, I know what that feels like. I'm just anxious all the time. Earthquake-y. Maybe my tectonic plates are shifting.
I'm going camping later this month. And while I'm very all *glee* about it, I'm almost equal parts stress too. It's aggravating.
I would love to just take a week off work and do NOTHING. Just sleep and breathe. I don't even want to talk to anyone. Some days even the little things are too much work, never mind the big scary things.
And yet. Well, I know I'll be fine. All will be fine. I would just rather it be GOOD.
I shouldn't be alllowed to compose poetry in my head when I'm under the influence of pain medication. Or should I?
Everything is dry and hot tonight. My skin, the air, the inside of my throat, the sheets on my bed.
I'm putting off sleep and everything is so distracting and new when seen with my hazy eyes and mind.
Maybe I will just lay here and touch my teeth with my tongue and think about seashells.
Everything has a beginning. This is mine.
